Twitter is where you go to amass a following 5000 strong and still get totally ignored when you post about your feelings. Mastodon currently does not have 5000 active users

You went crawling back to sincerity, to "being genuine" but not me, I stood strong with irony. Now look at you, all you've done with that time is learn to play the ukele poorly and let people enjoy things. Meanwhile you could say the name of any tv show to me and I could tell you how much it sucks despite having never seen it. My power is reaching unprecedented levels.

ask not what your country can mountain dew for you, ask what you can mountain dew for your country

mastodon is like victorian-era england in that everyone is unfathomably and uncontrollably horny, but also being horny is illegal

the twilight movies ARE good and i WILL die on this hill and NO i am not just saying this because i am drunk

robert pattinson is so hot i can’t wait to thirst for batman

australia is such a good setting for post apocalyptic films because it already looks like a total collapse has happened there

gross 

imagine thinking police prevent crime. can't relate

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