CTA ATTENTION ALL FEDIVERSE ADMINS: 

I'm going to get better in spite of what he pulled on me. I am going to recover from all my pain and trauma and become the best version of myself by working with my therapist and psychiatrist. I'm not going to let the people cwho hurt me succeed. I am going to live a happy and full life surrounded by friends and loved ones. I refuse to accept that I am lesser or that I am deserving of being hurt. I might be weird but I have a lot to offer the world and a lot of people love and/or care about me. I'm going to keep kicking ass and improving my life. :blobcat_mlem:

God, this hurts so much. I thought he was my friend, that he understood me, and wouldn't hurt me just as Laurelai & pals did by isolating me. I feel so much pain. I was so happy to have become his friend. And although I couldn't socialize the way he expected me to, I always felt safe knowing I had him in my corner. That I wouldn't ever feel the horror of being isolated again because I'd have him and our small group of pals to poke my head into sometimes to say hi and talk for as long as I could physically handle. Socialization is really different for me because I am always terrified of misstepping and getting hurt. And hey this guy reinforced that.

I was nothing but a devout friend to Katinka until she began viciously attacking me and ruined my pitiably small support network and demanding money back that had been given without expectation of repayment because I had no income and my parents sure as fuck weren't going to. That was explicit. Our situation isn't even comparable to the one I had with her because there was an explicit expectation that I'd give you the money back. But hey. You're being paid by the pain you caused me now. This pain is going to stick around for a long time. I wish it wouldn't, but this betrayal will gnaw and tear at me for a long time to come. Enjoy what you sowed in me, pal.

You wanna know about Katinka? I met her after I outed my rapist. I developed CA small group of friends with her. She offered me help when my parents were fucking me over by not paying bills or putting food in the house in the year that followed being severely isolated by my rapist. Her beloved Meryl pretended to be me on social media and convinced her I was talking shit about her because Meryl was playing a long game to completely isolate me for her good friend, Laurelai Bailey, who Katinka then began dating and fucked my PayPal account up for months because cage wanted to give the money she had given me to her new love. It's so fucked up.

You help ensure Laurelai is held to account for her actions, and then you fall for the same sort of bullshit she and her current groupies were saying about me because it confirmed the resentment you had for me because life smashed me in the face these past six to ten months and I couldn't prioritize you over issues that were going to start accruing penalties in the hundreds if I didn't resolve them immediately.

I just feel so much pain because I gave him all I could last month, and was going to give him more than I could afford this month, and that I was going to double my repayment in July onwards to make sure he was okay for his shitty gaming convention because I cared about him as a friend and he repaid the best I could do with projecting his issues onto me and calling me an abuser based on testimony from someone who seriously abused me and all of her friends when they became inconvenient to her. Hey, I guess he and that piece of shit belong together. I sure hope he's prepared for when her targets get set on him like it has for anyone else who got too close.

I seriously wonder what it's like to live near/within a metro area. I live 49 miles away from the nearest one. I wonder what it's like to have services help you develop life skills. Or to have good socialization so everybody doesn't think you're a fucking weirdo because for me the socialization I got was that: pain is an inevitable constant in my life. People will turn their backs on you and hurt you if you're not convenient for them. That I deserve to be hurt for being weird. That I'm subhuman. That defending myself will only lead to more pain. That being respected as an individual is for normal people only. That's what I learned.

I regret ever coming out of my comfy hole to defend you from Peter Coffin. I had no idea you were such a vindictive, manipulative, wretched little turd. What are you gonna do next? Attack the women's space I created because I'm being critical of how you treated me? Are you going to demonize people who choose to not stab me in the back because I have serious problems, little resources, and a need to prioritize time sensitive matters before repaying you? I don't know what you're capable of, dude. You've shown me your weird, abusive tendency to project shit onto me that you dealt with from other people, so anything is possible when you think you're righteous.

Oh, but I bet you wouldn't understand the need to make sure my girlfriend doesn't have a serious eye problem, to make sure she's seen right away and not two months from now as per her fucking insurance, right? I mean, god forbid! I'm a terrible person for having this shit come up. Call me an a user. Call me your mom. Call me your ex. But I'm sure as fuck not worried about frivolous shit like gaming conventions. I've never had the money for it. Wendy's is a luxurious treat for my gf and I, you fucking asswipe. I deserved better than this from you, so I hope you get comfortable with the hill you chose to die on because I do not forgive you.

And like here's another thing, you asshole! I've spent the entire morning talking to my gf's insurance and arguing with them so she can see an opthomologist asap without a referral, and I'm being fucked over and have to pay out of pocket so we can get whatever the fuck is wrong with her right eye taken care of. I don't live in some metro area with good services available. I live in a fucking shithole and have to contort myself into knots to make sure my gf doesn't have a serious issue with her right eye. I have problems beyond funding to go to a fucking gaming convention in August.

It's too bad you couldn't wait until the 28th for me to have funds available to give you. I think your most pressing issue before we agreed on monthly repayment was having enough to go to a fucking gaming convention in August? It's unbelievable that you would disparage me and project your relationship with your mom/ex onto me. I'm not some fucking punching bag, and I'm not gonna shoot myself in the foot so a little turd feels more secure about his convention trip months from now. You didn't behave reasonably, you attacked me, and you can live with the consequences of not being repaid any further. Fuck you, dude. Never mention me again in your life.

Which is totally okay in my book. I don't actually feel compelled to repay someone who is abusively projecting their shit onto me. I'm not your mom and was not a maternal figure to you. Don't compare me to them. I am not your ex and was not even remotely interested in romance with you, so don't compare me to them. You went off the fucking rails on me because I had two pressing matters to attend to before I could repay you money this month. I had begun to pay you back, so wtf? You want to go for my throat because of that and because someone is suspiciously implying I'm Satan because they gave me money in 2014 and then didn't like me anymore?

I'm kinda laughing right now. I owed this shitty male some money and had begun to repay him last month. I had a situation come up that required an immediate response so I had to spend my entire disability check, gf's first check this month, and money from her relatives and closer friends than him to resolve it. I now own a pretty decent car and it's legally mine, so I'm surrendering this really chronically breaking down car to it's loan company. That means an extra $350 a month for my household, so he was actually gonna start receiving a bigger repayment every month but he decided to be a shitty, shitty asshole to me instead.

asking for help 

It's me, my girlfriend, our friends, and my dogs against the world.

Hi! It’s my birthday on Wednesday. As a present to me, please read this post. I’m more than a little desperate.
Link to my gofundme: gofundme.com/f/help-ashley-…
And my paypal: paypal.me/ashleyvillers
Thank you.

You know you've made a bad choice of friends when you have a falling out and fear for the safety/comfort of your loved ones and community, lol.

Hey, so the Soviet Union opened an amusement park, what do you call their employees?

Gulagateers.

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